The word confidence is one of most well-rounded words in the English language or any language for that matter. Confidence is used in many different ways. It can either be used at work, within yourself or even using that confidence with other people.
But for me, confidence wasn’t always there. There were many ways on how I wanted approach this confidence I wanted. A little background about me- by the time I was 19 and 20 years old I was going through a lot of anxiety and depression. It was too hard to sleep at times when I couldn’t breathe, and I cried all throughout the night. It happened why too much. There were also times when I was in school and I wasn’t motivated to be there or even get up in the morning. Those two years were the worst for me and I hated the person I was becoming during that time. So, at the end of 2017, there was one focus on my mind which was my personal happiness. But with this newly found happiness, I also wanted to find that passion within myself again.
With this passion- I wanted to find the confidence I sometimes never had. One of the steps I took to gain that confidence turned out to be my hair. By that time, I was going natural for a while; but it was time for an even bigger change- THE BIG CHOP. Most curly haired girls know what that means but I’ll explain in simpler terms; I wanted to cut all my hair off. I didn’t want a shaved head just wanted a nice pixie curly cut. After I did it, I never felt so free and having a weight lifted off my shoulders. I never felt more like “me” and leaving the past negative energy behind me. I already felt liberated that I did it.
So, a month after I did the big chop, I decided to do something that was out of my comfort zone. It was to write for my college’s newspaper. I was a bit nervous going in, but I went anyway. When I was writing for my college newspaper that self-doubt was always there. My first article for the paper was postponed for four months because of that fear I had. I know it’s pretty bad- I think of the worst when I really shouldn’t. It’s because I don’t have that confidence. But in the end my article turned out pretty good and I got positive feedback about it which made me happy.
After graduating from college, there was still this self-doubt and that fear that came with it. The main reason that caused this was how I got rejected from a job I really wanted. It was during my last semester of school. I was in the last stage of the interviewing process and I wasn’t chosen for the job. I was heartbroken and any negative feeling you can imagine. I thought to myself “How can I bounce back from this?”. Even though I’m still working at my same job that I’ve had for a year, I had this idea. The idea was TheK.n.M. I was thinking is this crazy? Will people actually read what I write? Will people share what I write? My answer was if I leap then I will never know how it will do.
I guess I needed this push in pursuing what I want. Now I thought, I’ve always had this confidence within myself all along because of all the choices I made to get me here today. I was very oblivious for a long time. As I am writing my first brain dump, my advice is a leap, you’ll never know till you actually do it. I do vow to pursue what I want and always push through. Who knew confidence was just a leap?
Photos credit: all provided by me